Christmas

Happy Holidays

I first want to wish everyone happy holidays, Merry Christmas, All the ways which you celebrate this time of year. If you're alone this year due to pandemic things or personal reasons ( be they in your control or not), please know I give you my heart and that you deserve love as well. Take the time for yourself and celebrate another successful year of life.

This may be a more melodramatic post - taking with salt my content here.  
This year has been a slow, null, steady pain as things simply stagnated in our world - the human condition degraded into added hate, destruction, and separation. It is poignant to note this is an added layer of hell for those already suffering internally from their demons.
 
Personally, this year, I have slowly gained positive advance from my 2020 ended stance. Thankfully, I had not done so alone, with the aid of KeiMei and Jag to give me support. I have been able to repay Jag's time helping me near the end of the year after a terrible start to December. Millions of dollars of equipment and building she owns suffered a catastrophic natural disaster. She's strong; I will not marginalize her placement and pillar of self after the events. She's already taken swift motion to redesign and rebuild without hesitation - traits I can only swoon for from afar. I found warmth and pride in myself being there as a place to vent her emotions and frustrations that night.

I exhaust my breath - I allow bust to fall as I write. I hang onto my scissors of censor, as I wish not to drag a mood that brings down the season's merry ways, yet I sit here in nightwear, telling that fall-back self to fuck herself rightfully. It's my journey and my statement of progression to self!
A song I've come across in my increased bask of the digital video media (YouTube as we also call it) happens to be almost a scratch to my soul's itch. Sourced from an intriguing place of Anime, Eroge no less, known as a Cult Classic. The anime is called Panty & Stocking with Garter Belt, it has a very adult theme. The below-embedded video is a song that is from the show's soundtrack.

I should add the below video is an English cover, of which the source/credits are within the video itself.

 

"Heaven, please sing for me a song of life
Heaven, save me in my dreams tonight
Someday these wings will perish in your sight
Night and day, I call for you (ooh)

Flashes of moments of tragic
Wondering souls, they fall along the way
Tell me you will never leave me... forever and ever
I gotta be, I gotta be, in your arms, hear me"

The lyrics are both amazing as well as deep. The show itself is both silly and yet has some pretty deep plot at times. A small deviation of subject here for you.

Tonight, at this moment, I sit here as prior mentioned in nightwear and seated with legs tucked on my bed. Christmas for me will be passive, my parents and family generally are not visited often, not due to drama or anger, simply from the schedule and less significance to them. We have all grown and are no longer worshipers of Santa and gifts that are sent come by brown trucks in parcel boxes. It's not painful for me to think back upon what was mostly a life of luxury 365 days of a year. I will not visit my friends simply in observance of the current health crisis and we have all been meeting on and off as it was.

My night tonight will be soaked within a warm salt bath, a rare treat that I will allow myself the brisk night air as my lonely tub get the attention it wished it got normally. I'm more of a shower girl, baths breed the mantra of rest and my showers are a start to my day which should be taken head-on fully awake.

But tonight I shall spoil the cast iron, coated in its porcelain shell, which I've taken each measurement in vain during purchase. Most older cast iron tubs simply are smaller for a smaller time. Mine was curated by my desire for a true soaking tub within the furthest corner of my outdoor bath. A shower I take pride in owning and had the fortune to acquire with this otherwise forgotten retro beach house of the '60s and '70s. My skin shall pucker in bumps and my hand shall ladle hot steamed water upon my breast to calm goosebumps. It will be lonely and welcomed, even if I would wish KaiMei with me like a warm-bodied lounger within the water. This will be for me.

Christmas I shall open some packages that arrived by our now modern Clause in brown and yellow, make tea or cocoa, and call upon my limited options for dining. Chinese may be the stereotypical choice for delivery and a calling to the Christmas Story itself, sans the chaos of dogs against birds. I may visit my best friend as well, my plans are not set nor truly planned.

Before I leave you, sniffing the candle on what might be our last of this year, I do whole-fully (be that a word created by too many gingerbread men?) deeply wish each and all a good night and happy holidays. As someone who has a long way from being considered safe or cured of herself - someone who has fallen so far in the past few years, please hear my words as the whispering winds of hope for your safety and hope of finding yourself, a happier and more centered self. I know many are hurting and suffering silently in hopes of light and warmth to wrap them and tell them it is all okay, I know for many those will simply be untrue words, but please take my hand and allow me to embrace you. I'm with you and we may suffer together at even a distance. But the suffering will never last and your soul and aura are needed to continue the grand journey to peace. I love you - We can get through this - Please join me.